Christmas can be fun, but watch out for January

I've read a number of 'how to cope with Christmas and autism' posts the last few weeks, and wondered at my family's positive experiences of Christmas.

Adapt
As I look back I realise that we did a lot of adjusting as a family before any diagnosis was ever in our thoughts. Every family adjusts to their idea of the perfect Christmas. Our quiet stay at home times worked for all of us. We never did a lot of visiting or travelling. We didn't go to parties. We always stayed home on Christmas day. My son loves food so we made a lot out of creating the Christmas meal. We made annual fudge. We still do. We've always been flexible. We got a garage tree late one year in the dark because that's what was going to work. We always included the decorations and pictures he made. I still put up his creations age 3, age 4 even though he's now 14. We did whatever was fun for us.  He could spend all day on Christmas with his new toys: time to construct his new advanced lego set.

You don't have to because everyone else does. Trust your instincts.
I never took my son to see Santa. I didn't decide not to. I thought about it sometimes. It just never happened. I avoid packed shopping centres and queues. It was not something my son ever asked for. I think I knew instinctively not to go there. I do most of my Christmas shopping online and now so does he.

Embrace the unusual. Be creative.
We wrote a Santa list each year and put it into the fire. To test Santa's reality my son would not tell anyone what he wanted or show anyone the list! However, he was less skilled at preventing my access to it, so I managed to sneak a peek or get a phone photo before it went up in smoke. I always explained that Santa couldn't bring everything with so many children in the world, but he'd probably get numbers 1 or 2 on his list. One year he asked for teleportation, another a million pounds in my account.

Santa sent him a raspberry pi the teleportation year and a note that he could learn to programme to develop the first teleportation machine. The money year I showed him a small financial transaction in my account Christmas morning and said I had no idea how it got there but I could spend it on his games, chocolate coins all over the floor under the tree, pretend money too.

There was just enough truth in his presents for him to enjoy and accept Santa. Imagination is a PDA strength for him.

You know best what will work for your child.
My son always told me he doesn't like surprises. I wonder whether the lead up to Christmas was stressful for him in reality. But I also wonder how that waiting game helped him develop patience. If it is all too much for your child then don't do it. Maybe you can tell them the Santa truth and find fun in doing things a different way.

I did realise at about age 11 and with an asd diagnosis that I might have to explain Santa to my son. That he was not necessarily going to figure things out himself. I overheard him discuss things with a cousin. They both agreed that a man in a red suit didn't seem probable, but it couldn't possibly be parents because they'd never spend that much money on you. I told him the truth well away from Christmas time in April that year and again in September. He said he had been starting to think it couldn't be true, but he was so far from thinking it was me! By Christmas that year he had adjusted and was happy that the event still happened and presents still came.
Remember conforming to everyone else's norm is not something your child will find easy. Consider how much you ask them to conform. Consider why you ask them to conform. Consider who the conforming is for. Consider how you might alter your own expectations. Consider when enough is enough. Consider what Christmas is really about.

New Year Watchout

The challenge for us always came in Januarys, particularly in settling back to school. It was a mistake to imagine that my son could just pick up where he left off in December. Things worked better when we approached January as if starting again. Routines and timetables had to be reestablished slowly. As we now homeschool I realise that Christmas meant rest at home time and no school and that has always suited my son better. So Christmas was a break from the trauma that was school. Now in that sense at least, it's Christmas all year.

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