Parent perspective - things that work for me
(All views are my own as a parent. They do not constitute professional advice.)
Get Up, Get Ready, Get Out
Get Up Plan Ahead: weekly timetable on the wall of the usual day to day events, simple, handwritten A4 page. I paid a euro a day for this to be read initially, now it is inbuilt and I can refer to it. Annual/Monthly planner that shows unusual events by date.
Plan the night before together for the morning. Work backwards to plan the times involved. What time and how he will get up? Does he want to set his alarm or be woken? First thing in the morning talk through the day, what day it is and what happens. Ask the question rather than tell: “what happens on Wednesdays?”.
Getting Up Plan the process the night before with the child. Mine has planned for hot chocolate in bed first, or he has selected clothes he wants to wear and left them out.
Wake naturally: Waking my son up is very difficult. It is much easier on both of us if he wakes naturally. I can encourage waking though, by opening the door, opening the curtains, playing music nearby, or sending in a pet.
Build OT into the everyday: My son would not cooperate with prescribed OT (do so many wall push ups a day), so I have built things into everyday life. It is trial and error and what he needs varies all the time. I have a weighted blanket which helped with sleep. So I have given lots of tickles (very heavy pressure) in bed and catch the leg games and taken lots of time over the getting up process. We play throw the ball, he drops his duvet on me (he has a high bed), anything that relaxes the atmosphere to enable him to get up.
Entice: Drinks in bed. Favourite breakfast like pancakes.
Use humour: the more relaxed the atmosphere the better.
Getting Ready Clothes preplanned and laid out. Hot clothes out of the dryer. We used to time how fast he could get dressed. He can dress in 17 seconds! My teenager sleeps naked now so that he just goes straight into clothes and no longer has to do two steps of dealing with pjs first then clothes. Works at the moment. I am less involved and now say 'meet you in the kitchen'. For time critical events like travel, he sometimes goes to bed dressed for the next day. Or partially dressed.
Pick your battles: If we are not going out my son sees no reason to dress. That is ok and he has soft jumpers to wear over pjs. Hygiene is very difficult sometimes so it is left out if a step too far on a particular day. We have soap that doesn't need water for underarms. We have extra deodorant and hairbrush in the car.
Manage sensory difficulties: Choose comfortable clothes and footwear. My son wears soft trousers only. He wore no uniform (and often no shoes) in school (except for the day of the school photo where he chose to wear full uniform). We have slip on toeless flip flops that he often chooses. He does airports in his socks (I usually pick up shoes after security and bag them).
Getting Out
The semblance of control: “You don't have to go, no one is going to force you. “We can go whenever you are ready.” I have to really mean what I say. We have gone to Tesco at 11pm, and travelled to a relative at midnight if that is what it takes.
Other children can help: My son is helped hugely when other children are present. He got to scouts and swimming and soccer at various times with a friend coming to our house first and me bringing both together. Doesn't always work, sometimes I end up bringing the friend alone but it has enabled a lot of achievement for mine.
Natural consequences: “You will miss your friends if you don't go.” A visual timer worked for a while; it helped as long as he set it and it was left directly in his line of vision.
Do more of the things that are successful: my son loves food, so we go out for takeaways or to a restaurant as often as possible. He thrives with his cousins abroad, so we travel as often as possible. Exit Strategy: “You can leave at any stage.' I will be outside in the car.” Very important for my son to know that no one is going to trick him or force him to do anything. If I said I would stay then I stayed, but would build to leave briefly to go to the bathroom then gradually exit the room for a period until eventually he was happy to go in without me.
Avoid meltdowns: In my experience nothing is gained from a meltdown. If the process of getting out is developing into a meltdown then I stop the process. We do not go.
Ultimate Avoidance: My son refused to go to school. I have learnt that regardless of what I do to get up, get ready and get out, if the handling is not appropriate once he is in others' hands then he will refuse to go again and there is little I can do. He often masks in other environments so it is not clear that his anxiety has been too high until he refuses to go the next time. This has been the most challenging as no one sees the refusal but me. We have made it to the carpark of three different schools at different times with no help to move from there to the building in spite of a PDA diagnosis and me working closely with the schools in question. Schools seem to be very poor at providing support before you reach the building. He is currently out of school.
(All views are my own as a parent. They do not constitute professional advice.)
Get Up, Get Ready, Get Out
Get Up Plan Ahead: weekly timetable on the wall of the usual day to day events, simple, handwritten A4 page. I paid a euro a day for this to be read initially, now it is inbuilt and I can refer to it. Annual/Monthly planner that shows unusual events by date.
Plan the night before together for the morning. Work backwards to plan the times involved. What time and how he will get up? Does he want to set his alarm or be woken? First thing in the morning talk through the day, what day it is and what happens. Ask the question rather than tell: “what happens on Wednesdays?”.
Getting Up Plan the process the night before with the child. Mine has planned for hot chocolate in bed first, or he has selected clothes he wants to wear and left them out.
Wake naturally: Waking my son up is very difficult. It is much easier on both of us if he wakes naturally. I can encourage waking though, by opening the door, opening the curtains, playing music nearby, or sending in a pet.
Build OT into the everyday: My son would not cooperate with prescribed OT (do so many wall push ups a day), so I have built things into everyday life. It is trial and error and what he needs varies all the time. I have a weighted blanket which helped with sleep. So I have given lots of tickles (very heavy pressure) in bed and catch the leg games and taken lots of time over the getting up process. We play throw the ball, he drops his duvet on me (he has a high bed), anything that relaxes the atmosphere to enable him to get up.
Entice: Drinks in bed. Favourite breakfast like pancakes.
Use humour: the more relaxed the atmosphere the better.
Getting Ready Clothes preplanned and laid out. Hot clothes out of the dryer. We used to time how fast he could get dressed. He can dress in 17 seconds! My teenager sleeps naked now so that he just goes straight into clothes and no longer has to do two steps of dealing with pjs first then clothes. Works at the moment. I am less involved and now say 'meet you in the kitchen'. For time critical events like travel, he sometimes goes to bed dressed for the next day. Or partially dressed.
Pick your battles: If we are not going out my son sees no reason to dress. That is ok and he has soft jumpers to wear over pjs. Hygiene is very difficult sometimes so it is left out if a step too far on a particular day. We have soap that doesn't need water for underarms. We have extra deodorant and hairbrush in the car.
Manage sensory difficulties: Choose comfortable clothes and footwear. My son wears soft trousers only. He wore no uniform (and often no shoes) in school (except for the day of the school photo where he chose to wear full uniform). We have slip on toeless flip flops that he often chooses. He does airports in his socks (I usually pick up shoes after security and bag them).
Getting Out
The semblance of control: “You don't have to go, no one is going to force you. “We can go whenever you are ready.” I have to really mean what I say. We have gone to Tesco at 11pm, and travelled to a relative at midnight if that is what it takes.
Other children can help: My son is helped hugely when other children are present. He got to scouts and swimming and soccer at various times with a friend coming to our house first and me bringing both together. Doesn't always work, sometimes I end up bringing the friend alone but it has enabled a lot of achievement for mine.
Natural consequences: “You will miss your friends if you don't go.” A visual timer worked for a while; it helped as long as he set it and it was left directly in his line of vision.
Do more of the things that are successful: my son loves food, so we go out for takeaways or to a restaurant as often as possible. He thrives with his cousins abroad, so we travel as often as possible. Exit Strategy: “You can leave at any stage.' I will be outside in the car.” Very important for my son to know that no one is going to trick him or force him to do anything. If I said I would stay then I stayed, but would build to leave briefly to go to the bathroom then gradually exit the room for a period until eventually he was happy to go in without me.
Avoid meltdowns: In my experience nothing is gained from a meltdown. If the process of getting out is developing into a meltdown then I stop the process. We do not go.
Ultimate Avoidance: My son refused to go to school. I have learnt that regardless of what I do to get up, get ready and get out, if the handling is not appropriate once he is in others' hands then he will refuse to go again and there is little I can do. He often masks in other environments so it is not clear that his anxiety has been too high until he refuses to go the next time. This has been the most challenging as no one sees the refusal but me. We have made it to the carpark of three different schools at different times with no help to move from there to the building in spite of a PDA diagnosis and me working closely with the schools in question. Schools seem to be very poor at providing support before you reach the building. He is currently out of school.