PDA Irish Style

Technology We as parents get a lot of advice about how negative technology can be, about how much time is too much, about the damage it can do. We read very little about the wonders of technology and how it can enhance our lives. I had a youngster who had difficulty transitioning. There were control challenges I didn't understand. Coming off any technology including tv was often difficult. I removed the tech, and changed to a low tech house. No wifi, no tv, no problem right? Except the problems were transferred to other things. It became difficult to stop whatever game we were playing. Sometimes it was difficult to get my son to come inside from outside play. And in addition, he had lost access to some very useful educational tools, like www.brainpop.com Age 8 he got a tablet. He loved it. I started to think about using technology rather than removing it. I installed a timer control to limit his usage. It worked for a while. He got a laptop, I i

Training for National Education Psychological Service (NEPS) professionals about the Autism Spectrum Condition Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) from a parent Parenting By the time I met with NEPS professionals, I was highly anxious and stressed. I had also learnt how to operate in a low key, non confrontational way with my son to help him to do things. With PDA, it is a mistake to look at the parenting style and simply deduce that the child's behaviour is a result of this, when the reality is the parents' learned coping behaviour is a survival response to their child's difficulties. My child with PDA lives with high anxiety, an essential need to control his world on his terms, and avoidance as a default position. Avoidance as a default: the ultimate avoidance is not to go. For school, this means getting to the building the next time will be affected by the handling once in the building this time. PDA strategies at home will only continue to work i

Labels as Signposts Conversation with my son age 14 Me:  Autism means different brain wiring.  Seeing things differently can mean challenges in particular areas. Son:  Saying I have asd is no use.  It doesn't give any information.  It doesn't say how smart I am. Me:  You're right.  So we could say you're very smart and you have some challenges. Son: I'm smart, and I have anxiety. Me:  You're smart and you have anxiety and demand avoidance. Son:  Ah what's the demand avoidance mean really? Me:  Well you know the way if I ask you to do something it actually makes it harder for you to do it. Son:  Yea, I'm smart and I have anxiety and I don't conform. Me:  Ok, that's clear. Son:  Now you're talking sense.

Pathological Demand Avoidance.  Avoidance is the default. My son avoids the everyday by: ignoring me (He says sometimes he tunes me out, and sometimes if he's concentrating on something else he doesn't hear) talking about his game (I'll talk about socks, he'll talk about game weapons, back and forth, back and forth) saying 'wait', 'in a minute', 'I can't', 'I'm too tired', 'go away, go away, go away' pretending to be a rock, so he can't move, or a soldier arguing about why he doesn't need to, shouldn't bother negotiating if he gets something he'll do it, or promising if he just does something else first, but even if he gets his way, he never does the original thing making loud vocal noises, squeaking, walking away, going to another room, going to his bed, hiding going as if to do it, but ending up somewhere else doing someth

Quote from my son age 7 I know what the problem is with school Mummy. They group everyone by age. Why do they do that?

What home schooling looks like in our house. Don't Replicate School People often ask how do I manage to home school? Does it take up a lot of time? What curriculum do I use? Am I qualified as a teacher? I imagine I thought the same things before I started. That there was only one way to do it, and that was to copy a classroom and try to be like a school. Except we weren't home schooling for religious reasons, or location reasons. We were homeschooling because school didn't work for my son. So why would anyone think replicating a classroom would work? When my son was first out of school, I made efforts at timetabling the mornings for learning, and buying books, and using online lessons. The meltdowns I thought were caused by school continued at home. But once I understood PDA was the challenge, I changed my approach and gradually things started to work and the meltdowns stopped. Priorities Remember education is broader than academic lea