PDA Irish Style

Labels as Signposts Conversation with my son age 14 Me:  Autism means different brain wiring.  Seeing things differently can mean challenges in particular areas. Son:  Saying I have asd is no use.  It doesn't give any information.  It doesn't say how smart I am. Me:  You're right.  So we could say you're very smart and you have some challenges. Son: I'm smart, and I have anxiety. Me:  You're smart and you have anxiety and demand avoidance. Son:  Ah what's the demand avoidance mean really? Me:  Well you know the way if I ask you to do something it actually makes it harder for you to do it. Son:  Yea, I'm smart and I have anxiety and I don't conform. Me:  Ok, that's clear. Son:  Now you're talking sense.

Pathological Demand Avoidance.  Avoidance is the default. My son avoids the everyday by: ignoring me (He says sometimes he tunes me out, and sometimes if he's concentrating on something else he doesn't hear) talking about his game (I'll talk about socks, he'll talk about game weapons, back and forth, back and forth) saying 'wait', 'in a minute', 'I can't', 'I'm too tired', 'go away, go away, go away' pretending to be a rock, so he can't move, or a soldier arguing about why he doesn't need to, shouldn't bother negotiating if he gets something he'll do it, or promising if he just does something else first, but even if he gets his way, he never does the original thing making loud vocal noises, squeaking, walking away, going to another room, going to his bed, hiding going as if to do it, but ending up somewhere else doing someth...

Quote from my son age 7 I know what the problem is with school Mummy. They group everyone by age. Why do they do that?

What home schooling looks like in our house. Don't Replicate School People often ask how do I manage to home school? Does it take up a lot of time? What curriculum do I use? Am I qualified as a teacher? I imagine I thought the same things before I started. That there was only one way to do it, and that was to copy a classroom and try to be like a school. Except we weren't home schooling for religious reasons, or location reasons. We were homeschooling because school didn't work for my son. So why would anyone think replicating a classroom would work? When my son was first out of school, I made efforts at timetabling the mornings for learning, and buying books, and using online lessons. The meltdowns I thought were caused by school continued at home. But once I understood PDA was the challenge, I changed my approach and gradually things started to work and the meltdowns stopped. Priorities Remember education is broader than academic lea...

Supports need to remain in place for progress to be sustained. Don't misread lowered anxiety due to PDA strategies with a newly developed ability to cope with anxiety. They are not the same thing. PDA strategies support my son by reducing anxiety so that he is enabled to function. So that he does not have to shut down to cope. So that he does not have to meltdown to cope. But once he is coping, it is very easy to forget that it is a challenge for him. That his low anxiety levels must be maintained. It is very easy to forget that his anxiety remains, that his PDA is not gone. He is simply able to manage his PDA due to reduced anxiety. In my son's mainstream school, a very individualised supported approach helped him return to school in 6 th class. I've written about the strategies used in a previous post here . He went in daily at lunchtime and stayed til the end of the school day. He was looking at secondary schools, and he managed to attend asse...

Quote from my son age 6: Do you know what the problem with school is Mummy?  They wait until you know it, and then they teach it to you.

TURN IT AROUND I started my development journey with my son in crisis and no understanding of what was going on. A lot of time after that was spent on trying to figure out what was wrong. Trying to figure out what the problem was. The problem was identified as an asd. Then time was spent trying to 'solve' the asd problems. It is difficult to change your own expectations and preferences. It is difficult to challenge your own beliefs as a parent. It is difficult to undo all the preconditioning of parenting that you have. It is possible though. I believe it was necessary for me. My life with my son stabilised and improved when I changed, when I dropped all societal expectations of what I was supposed to do as a parent and instead looked to my instinct of what my son needed. I started to think of his strengths. I started to think of innovative ways to work with him, not against him. Available for learning An unsupported school environment was causing untol...