PDA Irish Style

Supports need to remain in place for progress to be sustained. Don't misread lowered anxiety due to PDA strategies with a newly developed ability to cope with anxiety. They are not the same thing. PDA strategies support my son by reducing anxiety so that he is enabled to function. So that he does not have to shut down to cope. So that he does not have to meltdown to cope. But once he is coping, it is very easy to forget that it is a challenge for him. That his low anxiety levels must be maintained. It is very easy to forget that his anxiety remains, that his PDA is not gone. He is simply able to manage his PDA due to reduced anxiety. In my son's mainstream school, a very individualised supported approach helped him return to school in 6 th class. I've written about the strategies used in a previous post here . He went in daily at lunchtime and stayed til the end of the school day. He was looking at secondary schools, and he managed to attend asse...

Quote from my son age 6: Do you know what the problem with school is Mummy?  They wait until you know it, and then they teach it to you.

TURN IT AROUND I started my development journey with my son in crisis and no understanding of what was going on. A lot of time after that was spent on trying to figure out what was wrong. Trying to figure out what the problem was. The problem was identified as an asd. Then time was spent trying to 'solve' the asd problems. It is difficult to change your own expectations and preferences. It is difficult to challenge your own beliefs as a parent. It is difficult to undo all the preconditioning of parenting that you have. It is possible though. I believe it was necessary for me. My life with my son stabilised and improved when I changed, when I dropped all societal expectations of what I was supposed to do as a parent and instead looked to my instinct of what my son needed. I started to think of his strengths. I started to think of innovative ways to work with him, not against him. Available for learning An unsupported school environment was causing untol...

Christmas can be fun, but watch out for January I've read a number of 'how to cope with Christmas and autism' posts the last few weeks, and wondered at my family's positive experiences of Christmas. Adapt As I look back I realise that we did a lot of adjusting as a family before any diagnosis was ever in our thoughts. Every family adjusts to their idea of the perfect Christmas. Our quiet stay at home times worked for all of us. We never did a lot of visiting or travelling. We didn't go to parties. We always stayed home on Christmas day. My son loves food so we made a lot out of creating the Christmas meal. We made annual fudge. We still do. We've always been flexible. We got a garage tree late one year in the dark because that's what was going to work. We always included the decorations and pictures he made. I still put up his creations age 3, age 4 even though he's now 14. We did whatever was fun for us.  He could spend all day o...

When back to school means more than new books. Wanting and not being able to go is not refusing For my son with pathological demand avoidance getting into the school building was always the challenge. As school broke down age 9 in 3 rd class, and he ended up out permanently, the idea of getting to school seemed further and further away. But I knew he wanted to be there, with his friends, the same as all the other kids, so I fought and fought and worked and wrote and all the other things you have to do, and by 5 th class we began a process to achieve the impossible. Change the Language used Even using the word school made it harder for my son to get there and stepping across the building threshold was impossible, and going in the morning was too early, and joining all the other children was a step too far. So we didn't try. We didn't use the school building. We didn't refer to it as school. Small Steps The plan for our first step was a half hour ...

Parent perspective - things that work for me (All views are my own as a parent.  They do not constitute professional advice.) Meltdowns, Shutdowns, Tantrums and Rages What are we talking about? Don't assume anyone knows what you are talking about. There are a lot of assumptions made when you say meltdown. People think they know what that is from their own experience, usually with their toddler. You need to describe what happens in your experience. Is it screaming? Does it look out of control? Are things thrown? Is there damage to property? Is it violent? Is it directed at you? It is 2 hours long? Is there an ability to apologise? What happens afterwards? Tantrums All the parents you know know about tantrums. Tantrums have a trigger, and ignoring the behaviour and other traditional techniques work. The naughty step does work for some children, and those parents will want to tell you about it! Yes it is hard to tell if my child is acting up on purpos...

I was that person I used to listen to radio shows, and watch parents on t.v. talk about the extraordinary lengths they had to go to to access the most basic supports for their children in Ireland. I used to think we couldn't have the whole story. It can't be that bad. We must be missing something. I also used to sigh when I sat down on an airplane and saw there was a baby in front of me. I used to look askance at children screaming in shopping centres and think what was wrong with their parents. Why couldn't their parents control them? I used to be shocked when parents said their children slept in their bed. I used to wonder why people had such problems with children and eating and everyday stuff. If you had told me you couldn't get your child to school I would have thought 'how ridiculous'. I used to think I knew better. I was that person. When you have no experience of a child with additional needs you have no understanding o...